Tuesday meltdown, Two nights of red hot tail

As I write this I am sitting on a very sore bottom. First I want to reflect on what happened last night and why it happened. 

On Tuesday Daddy called to say he wouldn't be home that night, things were not going well on the job site and he was needed. He tried very hard not to travel during our scheduled time together, but some times it has to happen. This was suppose to be a one night trip that was now going to be two. At this point I am sure that he was just as disappointed as I was, but instead of saying that and then being supportive,  I said nothing and slowly got more and more upset as the day went on. I felt myself spiraling out of control as the hours passed. I was upset, but not really sure why, I just knew I wanted Daddy home with me and felt like it didn't really bother him that he wasn't going to be. This was not a good way of thinking about what was going on and it wasn't fair to my husband either. I ended up lashing out at Daddy and was hurtful in the way I acted, the tone I used, and the things I said. He knew I was slipping up and tried to help my put the breaks on, he lectured me about the fact that I was out of line and had me put my cream on. I was still very upset and sent a few un needed texts, they were not the hateful texts I would have sent a few months ago, but they were still filled with anger. daddy called and again told me I was out of line and I was able to force myself to calm down by thinking about how hurt i would be if he treated me that way. By bed time I felt pretty awful, The day had started out well and I had been happy and excited. I had been doing so much better with everything since we stepped up our focus on DD.
I asked for DD, I knew it would help our marriage and it really has made a big difference. We are more in love, stronger as a couple, we handle conflicts better and communicate better. I have come to hate punishment spankings, but I also understand that this is the purpose of them. I know its not easy for my husband to give me punishments either. A maintenance session hurts and normally makes me cry, but doesn't bring me to tears (crying doesn't always mean tears for me, i fight tears because they usually are followed by a headache and exhaustion). I find the maintenance sessions effective as a reminder to behave. I am sore and tender after and when we use the ginger hurts alot. I do feel  super sexy laying on the bed with my bottom pushed in the air and my legs spread, knowing that my husband is going to spank me and fill my pussy with ginger to help me stay on track and focus, I have worked on taking all my disciplines better, staying in place during spankings and not fussing during other things. I still have a ways to go, but i do understand that it is my job to be submissive and accept these sessions and to the best of my ability to not make Daddys job of giving them to me harder. (About tears during punishment, I thing that when I cry during spankings it is as much from disappointment with myself for behaving so badly as well as for hurting my husband by not handling myself like a  proper young lady as it is from the pain of the swats. I can clearly remember each spanking that had brought me to tears and why I got them, 6 total over the last 2 years.. up until last nights spank, each time there were tears, Daddy had been very mad still during the spanking and I was not only afraid of the spanking but also of how mad he still was. last night, he was not still angry. we had time to think about it. I had already said I was sorry and I was truly sorry. It was the first time I was also very ready to accept a sever spanking because I knew it had been earned. Daddy spanked as hard as ever, because he had to, not because he was mad. and that had a very deep affect on me. The stern disciplinarian and the gentle husband at the same time. When I was told to lay on the bed for my second round of swats, the tears were flowing, for many reasons.) I worked hard to take my spanking well last night because I knew it was my own fault. I had know I would be facing the red paddle ( the most hated of all our implements) and it was right that he choose to use it. Its for when I have been a bad girl and thats what had happened. After one round with the cane, we had to stop since my bottom was blistered. I will have another session to face tonight, but I am surprised by the fact that I don't find this unfair. I didn't get my full spanking last night for safety reasons and I need it to learn this lesson fully as we'll as stay focused, so I will do my best to not fuss to much tonight and accept it like a good girl. Daddy said last night that we still have alot of work  to do. As much as that made me scared of the many necessary punishments that statement implied, it also really drove home the point that we are doing this together and that everything affects us both, wither it be my behavior or one of the many forms of discipline. We have each other to lean on and help through the rough parts and that makes it  a lot easier to handle. 6 months ago Tuesday would have ruined our whole week and I would have ended up getting a whipping, but we wouldn't have talked about the problem. I would have been angry about being treated so harshly and he would have been angry that I wouldn't take responsibly for any wrong doing, even thought I started the whole thing. It would have turned into a major issue in our marriage. Instead, we had a few hours where I was out of sorts, he lectured me down off the edge before it blew up. I realized I was in the wrong and took responsibility. We spent some time talking about it and we will do so again tonight. I have been punished, but I am not resentful I am grateful. We will come with a plan to avoid this problem in the future.. Instead of a week of fighting and strife, we had a few bad hours and a few days of working together and coming even closer together. That is why we do DD and I am lucky to have a husband who has decided not to let me ruin what we have and forces me to learn and grow and who learns and grows with me.